Forgive Me (For Neglecting God’s Word In My Actions)

“⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)”

Forgiveness starts with me and this I know and I believe

The words I have spoken generated pain,

Through the harshness or brutality in which it was unleashed

I had to sit back after releasing this venom

The poison in my veins seemed to leave me stained- lost- maybe even confused,

As to how I became this way and the source of this sting

I realized that it began with me

And it is from within me, in allowing the filth of the atmosphere to be breathed into the very breath of my lungs

And it is with all that I have and am I ask for your forgiveness

For the times when I know I could have spoken to you better

Soothingly, as if cooing to a babe- speaking in love so that the point could be drawn

To the point where the words no longer hurt, instead they are enveloped in love

Did I know better? Yes I did!

But I allowed the fears of failure, the pillars of my selfish pride and the unabashed glories of frustration grip my soul

And all I seemed to do was scream; when all I really wanted to do was to make you see

(That) All that I long to do or say is to ensure that you- my family- are safe from harm

Where all chains of brokenness and callousness and destroyed

And the hand of God can soar in the unthinkable way as only He can work

Instead I became like the beast himself…

Forgive me, for I lacked patience in understanding that I was made to endure and preach Christ to you, through every  possible avenue

Forgive me for I allowed my actions to deflect His and my character to permit you to question His work in me- in us

Forgive me Lord even more, for never intended to divert your people’s hope in you into that of the world

It is on this day I ask for utmost restoration and forgiveness

Teach me to love selflessly and unconditionally like Christ Your Son, my Savior

All the while understanding that I too am still your child and I ought to speak to Your children- my brothers and my sisters- in utmost respect, love and understanding

Teach me to have Your eyes and ears and to speak ONLY with Your mouth

Teach me to walk in all of Your precepts and ways from this day onward

Though I may fail, may I be quick to realign my path to Your Holy Way

Most importantly teach me to walk according to Your will, with Your character and armor girding me like a shield from the frivolous attacks of the spiritual dark forces

But to you I say again;

Please forgive me for I have acted insecurely towards you

Please forgive me for I spoke not with His love breathing through the words

Forgive me… for being human is no excuse to hurt you.

My Heart's Cry

There is none other like the love that I have found in Christ, 

Now I am desperate to drown in the astounding rushing wind of His grace. 

I am desperate..... to feel the arms of a King so embracing this prodigal daughter, 

welcoming her back home after straying away for so long. 

I am desperate..... to hear his voice, soothing to a crying baby’s aches, saying “I love you and will never forsake you.” 

Yes, His voice is clearly spoken through His word, but I long to hear His voice within the deep recesses of my spirit. 

I long for Him.... to draw from the deepest of deeps, soaring into the highest of highs. 

I KNOW this phase is only temporary, a sign of a higher level that must be attained in Him, 

a place where I shall be elevated beyond the natural capacity and understanding. 

Yet still, whilst I await the passing of this desert storm, this valley of life’s unbroken road; 

I cannot help but to realize and admit that I need more of my God. 

More of His love and His power, more of His ability and glory. 

I need the arms of my Father for I am lost without it. 

I need my Father’s arms for it is there that I find rest. 

I am desperate…… for more of my Jesus, my King. 

I am desperate for His love and life once again. 

Fresh fire- breathe on me and set me free from the sorrows and pains of this world, 

away from the concepts and brokenness of this society’s chains. 

Breathe on me that I may have life like never before. 

I am desperate Lord…… and only You can mold me into who I ought to be.

A Woman of God

Woman of God, her life is in the Potters’ hands

Woman of God, prefers no one else but Him who makes her whole

Woman of God, knows His word & holds it in her heart

Woman of God, practicality strengthens spoken words

That is who You want me to be,

A woman after Your own heart,

You want me to be: A WOMAN OF GOD

Designed With You In Mind: Present Training Grounds for Future Endeavors

 “Grrr! Why does it have to be this way? Lord I really want …….. (insert your request here). I have prayed to you tirelessly about this, why O Lord has it not been granted unto me? Speak to me Lord, just one word to let me know where I stand in the midst of this storm of life. Where is my breakthrough? Lord I am growing weary of the wait, for my strength seems to have failed me yet another day. Is there any end to this? Have I not been faithful to Your word, tarrying and enduring? When Lord, when? How Lord, how? When and how will this all turn around the way I desire it to? I guess it’s back to praying and waiting once again……”

I am sure you can relate to this monologue, whether voiced via thoughts (internally) or words (externally). I know I certainly can! Honestly, the course of life suited to our individual specifications and personal situations can be daunting and frustrating. Often times in meditation and reflection of times past, I have found myself pouring out to God; my desires to see visible changes in my environment, especially through my talents and abilities. Tears imprinted my visage’s canvas out of the inner frustration and exhaustion of simply desiring better through God-centered quests and accomplishments, only to have them unrealized.

In spite of all this, one thing always remained and God always seeks to remind me: “Embrace your NOW, for it serves as training grounds for your future. DO NOT DESPISE where you are today.” Wow! Talk about acquiring (and continually so) new eyes! Simply put, He was stating, focus not on the problem but rather focus on the solution. Of course, He was, is and always will be the solution to our issues but He also seeks to offer a practical methodology towards easier and bearable livelihood. Two scriptures standing out to me, relative to these statements are Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” and Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” (NKJV)

All this “talking” is as fleeting as the wind, without proper illustration. Hence I expound on this life lesson. In reading prior inserts in this blog, you may have received a brief insight as to certain occurrences in my life- most notably the death of my mother at the age of 16. For quite a few years I struggled to understand, the significance of this in my present life, but as the days roll by, the picture’s blurriness and distortion is being corrected to my vision.

A beautiful part of the 2014 era is the obvious road to Godly covenant (marriage) opened to me. With the time’s progression, a deeper appreciation for things that I learnt in the years past remains evident as it is now a second nature. In these ten years subsequent to her demise, the training and journey to becoming a wife began. Learning to care for my family’s needs (i.e. physical, emotional, spiritual), more for specifically the males; and household/ family management, was and remains pivotal. Have I mastered it? A greater part of me longs to say yes, but truthfully I have learnt to embrace and change with change. Continually with these changes I seek balance, where the right persons/ things get appropriate attention and in that precise context- nothing or no one is left out. This goes with the understanding that within time persons present and responsibilities change; some may remain and other may not- in all wisdom one needs to know which ones to let go of and which ones to hold onto; know each’s seasons and purpose in your life.

Also important, were/are the lessons drawn about myself- who I am and who I am destined to become in Christ; ensuring that God continually changes me for His glory (2 Cor. 3:18). Not forgetting above all, coming to the understanding that without Christ at the helm, my life would have no meaning and my bones would’ve probably taken up residence with worms and ants six feet beneath already, had I not found and accepted Christ when I did.

I could effortlessly list so many other aspects of my upbringing that have shaped me for this present moment, especially where love (for God, self and others), patience and faith were molded but I trust this illustration is enough to stand in this simple encouragement: “EMBRACE YOUR NOW and allow it to train you for your future as God sees fit. Further down the road, you may look back and be totally appreciative of your training grounds and the lessons drawn from there.” REMEMBER: No one is fully qualified for a job unless training and tests are undertaken and deemed successful.

Stay encouraged; focused on God irrespective of your situation. You are even closer to your breakthrough than you think. Press On! (Philipians 3:14)

HER STORY....Symptoms of a Misdiagnosis

The blood of her guilt, her transgression- stained her body as if dipping into the ocean's fullness and exemplifying a water-soaked glory.

Her face told the story of a prodigal woman who came home by night to the comfort and safety of her parents' house,

And by day returned to the drug infused street corners searching desperately for the comfort/ shrouding of the wall's embrace.

If only these walls could talk- what would they say? What would YOU say?

And now the crime of her rebelliousness rests evidently upon her.

She deserves it! 

It's about time she fell in her own mess so that she could finally desire change!

They have been speaking to her too long and she refused to obey... so it had to take the hand that rocked the cradle to break its stride, trip and fall....

O how they whispered and spoke quickly- judging the outcome but what about them? 

If they are so swift to cast judgement upon her, why can't they first perform an introspective and realize their own shunning prodded her deeper into this dark territory?

So many mornings as she departed from her home, she searched for a friend because she felt led by God to seek tangible assistance.

She visited the very place where proclamations of His presence burst forth  from the springs, 

but their eyes remained closed as if in high praise and their ears shut as if so in tune to His spirit- so great, so intense, 

that she felt instead, the sharp pangs of their rejection.

Never once did they acknowledge her mere "hello, I need help and I need a friend". 

If "they" were so engrossed in His Holy presence why didn't they hear Him directing/ordering them to care for her? 

That His daughter, the seed of His loins required tangible love from another seed? 

Or is it that they heard His voice but disobeyed because they saw her as an illegitimate child?

But now how can they even see the fruit of her actions is an adverse reaction to the faulty medication they gave? 

Now  that she is exposed and infected with this USTD (Un-sanctified Transmitted Disease), will they carry out more tests and give a proper, fitting diagnosis and prescription.... the perfect antidote of their love?

Get Up and Choose To Fight!

You’re in a boxing ring and your opponent has delivered what is considered his “best shot yet” towards the final minutes of the match. It seems like he was saving the “best for last” and you’re down (but thankfully- not out). The game score is now tied and you’ve got to win this one…. After all you’ve fought too long and hard, trained tirelessly to get to this point; and to lose now? NO!

Mustering the fragments of strength within and saying a little prayer, you suck I all in- meanwhile flashed of a reward so great where your family and life will be delivered out of the dark pit imprints your mind and empowers your spirit. You now stand and deliver that final VICTORY blow. Without even stumbling, your opponent falls to the ground, knocked out cold and you are left standing in victory. YES! Your mission has been accomplished all because of (your) inner strength was boosted (through God).

How many times have you been there? Where the enemy, your opponent, seems to deliver some heavy blows (depression, anger, poverty, etc.), and sometimes too- consecutively- to the point where it seems like you’re on the brink of death? Sad to say, scriptures do not always console a wounded soul in the darkest moment. It is all dependant now on your strength (in Christ) to get up and win the battle.

How can you receive strength? God’s Holy Word states in Isaiah 40:31(KJV): “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Found your answer yet? No? Let me repeat it-finding strength for your days to face your battles begins with (finding) rest(ing) in God. But that rest must be accompanied by patience and trust amongst other things:

1.      PATIENCE (a fruit of the Spirit) means the quality of being patient, as bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation or the like (as per www.dictionary.com );

2.      TRUST (defined also be the aforementioned source) refers to the “reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing; confidence.

My interpretation of the two words is “learning to abandon all dependence on personal strength, vowing to not be moved by outward circumstances or emotions and submitting without any reservation to the will of God. Trusting that His timing is best and all strength comes from Him. Therefore we move only when He says to move and how He says to move. For it is “in Him we live, move and have our being (Acts 17:28)”; and we can take on or endure the enemy and his devices with higher wisdom, knowledge, understanding, discernment and POWER.

*As a Kingdom inheritor, it is imperative that you also bear in mind Matthew 1:12*

With that said, whose side are you on? Are you ready to claim the victory? I am!

Love Striken: Beautiful Ramblings from the Heart

Like a tree growing, flowers blooming

Like a leaf touched with every ray of sunshine

Like the succulent juices maturing in the ripening fruit

Like the root that receives life so abundantly from the richness of the soil

Like the stem that transports food to the key branches

So am I in Your presence-

Receiving life, defying death and denying the grave

Your blood running through my veins is your very life breathing into my core existence- letting me know that I am Yours and You are mine

For together we are One…. Inseparable

I am at One with the One because together we are One (wow!)

Oh where would I be without You?

I could only imagine- not that I would even want to…

So here I am saying to You

I choose to be reconciled to You my King, My Father, My Lover, My Friend, My Life

I am FOREVER Yours!

CHRONICLES OF MY LOVER AND I

So I arrived with my lover, my husband to unfamiliar place

Out of a fear of being lost, I clasped my Husband's hand and walked so closely to Him

That from afar it seemed like it was a lone being approaching though it was actually two (I guess that’s what marriage did right- make two things one?)

It seemed I was unwillingly to let go….. It seemed

But not too soon after, I felt quite empowered, confident, BOLD that I could trek this path and explore its (unfamiliar) territory ALONE

So I let go of His hand- the hand that had guided me to this place- and requested that He wait…for me (Well at least that’s what my actions implied);

There were some things required my attention and I had to seek after them…. ALONE

So off gallivanting I went eager to discover this new place,

And better yet I was free (or so I thought) to do so without any hindrances and no one to “nag” me “Don’t go there”; “Don’t do this”; “You will get hurt” etc. etc. etc.

I was free!

What I saw and the people I met were beyond expectation- I mean WOW!

I even saw familiar faces from my past, some of whom inquired of my spouse (I guess they saw my wedding ring) to which I responded “He’s around.”

Without probing further, they moved along- for which I was thankful

I had no desire that they be introduced to my spouse because I knew their all-too-familiar speeches: “Him? He’s not all that. I expected better of you.”

*sigh of relief*

(Now come to think of it- was I really ashamed of Him?)

So many things to see and do

And with time quickly drifting by, I wanted to do it all even as darkness clothed the evening sky

I simply could not have cared less for I had confidence I could do it alone, REMEMBER?

And IT happened…..

In the midst of smiling faces an enemy arose

Robbing me of my possessions resulting in some physical injuries in the process (after all I had to fight back especially for my LIFE)

And there I stood, left with nothing but my wedding ring *surprise surprise* and my life, the very breath of my lungs

Of course now I wanted more than ever to return to my spouse

Not because He was waiting for me but because I realized that I was no good alone (now I’m so thankful for His patience)

I desired the safety of His arms, the warmth of His embrace, the touch of His hand and the strength and confidence of His stride, His decisions

I now understood why I suddenly never wanted nor should have departed from His presence in the first instance

And there I found Him, the same place I left Him….. waiting (with His back facing me)

I felt even more ashamed to approach Him with every step I took that brought me closer to Him

I expected rebuke, repulsion, scolding, anger and shame in His gaze

How could I bear that? Even though I knew I deserved it, especially given the way I treated Him

The dreadful moment arose… He turned toward me

Expecting what I thought I should have received I sobbed uncontrollably

But instead he ran toward me meeting me in the middle of my trek

Love and concern poured out from His gaze, and the arms that I so missed enveloped me

With soothing words He comforted me

My Husband…. He loved me

My Husband…. He accepted me

Though deserving of His rejection after my rejection- He stuck around, exemplifying His word in Ephesians 5

He lifted me and carried me to our place of rest

But for me He was already my place of rest, my comfort, my shelter

Now that I have seen and felt this love, I do not want to let go not even for a moment

My Husband…. God….

Carries me through this journey of life and I choose to cling to Him forever!

Forgive me my God for the times I have strayed, for I know true joy is found in Your presence. I return to You today with all my heart and soul. If not surrendered, Daddy I surrender, for I am nothing without You but with You I am everything. I love You with every fiber of my being, Your being- for You have created me for love and to love- a love that first begins with loving You UNCONDITIONALLY.

A PART

It’s amazing, when you try sinking back into what used to be comfortable shoes,

How they no longer fit

That’s what we so often refer to as growth

But I’m talking to you- Christian or not- yes you, who God has brought through seasonal changes

That have allowed for spiritual maturity and firmer foundation in Him & His word

Sometimes we question our stance, you know, “Who am I in Christ? How have I progressed? Where do I stand?”

But your answer comes when you find yourself in the midst of a once familiar flock

And realize the quality and value of their wool is no longer premium

Maybe market changes created a new and higher demand for your wool-

It’s whiter, softer, highly maintained, simply ensured by your Shepard

But it all really changed when you changed Caretakers’ hands

I am not belittling anybody or anything here-

But I’m encouraging you- embrace change,

No matter how painful [your tears constantly stain your pillow]

No matter how peculiar [your “friends” no longer acknowledge you]

No matter how angry [inconsideration at the hands of your very own family]

Simply embrace change- in God’s hands that is-

I know it is difficult at times-

Setting apart seems like RIPPING two pieces of cloth so closely knitted together- APART

Or literally tearing the flesh off a live human- OUCH!

Rest be assured, you will be restored

With a greater dignity and you will walk with continuous grace-

The world has no choice but to acknowledge that you no longer fit into their system

And they are right- you have promoted- to a higher, greater and better anointing

Child you are worth more than rubies, may I remind you

And if the blood of Christ is not enough to convince you- then I am not sure what will

But rest assured you are Called Out to Stand Out

Be encouraged, honored that you have been Set Apart by GOD

You're like a Diamond in the Rough- beautiful, rare, invaluable & precious!